Jokes

[animal53]

Q: What do you get when you mix an old member with a new type of format? A: Confused

[animal53]

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
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> 'One for you, one for me One for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
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> Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
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> He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
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> 'Come here quick,' said the boy , 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'
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> The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
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> Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
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> The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord.'
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> Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
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> At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'
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> They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

[DesertRat]

Speeding Juggler
A young man was pulled over by the Mississippi State Police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for boy? You going to a fahhr? Let me see your license, boy." The young man handed over his license.

Then the officer noticed that the back seat of the car was full of large knives. The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?" The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler." The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"

The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.

Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bub was drinking it up with Jerry Lee Jones. Billy Bub soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. All of a sudden Billy Bub spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Jerry Lee.

When Jerry Lee got on the phone, Billy Bub said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on route 109. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!"